With over 60 years of time-travelling dialogue, some Doctor Who lines are more famous than others. But there are some great gems hiding in the series’ past, and if you’ve never heard them before, now is the perfect time to get clued-up and start incorporating them into everyday conversation…
“I’m not a mountain goat!”
In the 1965 story ‘The Time Meddler,’ the Doctor is none too pleased with his friend Steven’s suggestion that they scale a rock face to save time. They’ve landed on the coast of 11th century England, and the Doctor has some harsh words to say to his overly enthusiastic friends, resulting in one of the best Doctor Who lines of the Hartnell era.
Alas, due to the actor’s ailing health and difficulty remembering his words, the dialogue doesn’t come out quite as planned, but it’s still a treat. “It would be much quicker to go up here,” says Steven, pointing to a nearby rock face. “Yes, possibly, it might,” says the Doctor, “but I am not a mountain goat, and I prefer walking to any day. And I hate climbing!”
Still, the good thing about this and other Doctor Who lines from the Hartnell era is that the doddering eccentricity (and mild confusion) doesn’t really matter; it’s perfectly in-keeping with his character.
“Arrest the scarf, then!”
We love a good scarf at Lovarzi, and indeed we sell our own version of the one from this next adventure, ‘The Leisure Hive.’ (Sorry, had to mention it.) In this opening story from Season 18, a murder has been committed, and the Time Lord’s scarf was discovered wrapped around the unwitting victim.
Naturally, when the Doctor is hauled before the judges, this awkward fact is pointed out. “His scarf killed Stimson,” says Brock. The Doctor smiles and says, “Arrest the scarf, then!” It’s one of the funniest Doctor Who lines of the Fourth Doctor era, but also good advice. Why not arrest the scarf?!
“You gave me your word, you micro-cephalic apostate!”
The Sixth Doctor’s era is full of classic Doctor Who lines, many of which were adapted by Colin Baker himself, who liked to incorporate exotic vocabulary into his scripts as a way of challenging and educating the viewer.
And the next of our Doctor Who lines is one such example, as the Time Lord tackles the villainous Tekker in the much-disliked (but underrated) ‘Timelash‘ from Season 22. In the scene, Tekker has promised the safe return of Peri, but reneges on his promise. Understandably, the Doctor isn’t overly pleased, and retorts: “You gave me your word, you micro-cephalic apostate! I demand to see the Borad immediately!”
And for those scrambling for the dictionary, let us save you some time: ‘micro-cephalic’ means small-minded, and ‘apostate’ means rebel, or trouble-maker.
But there are many other glistening Doctor Who lines from ‘Timelash,’ including Tekker’s “save your breath for the Timelash, Doctor – most people depart with a scream,” so icily delivered by Paul Darrow. And then there is Tekker’s closing line from part one: “Goodbye, Doctor – unpleasant journey, hahaha!”
“There is nothing you can do to prevent the catharsis of spurious morality!”
The next of our Doctor Who lines comes courtesy of Pip and Jane Baker, who penned it rather hurriedly for the last instalment of Season 23’s ‘The Trial of a Time Lord.’ This head-scratcher of a line actually means: “There is nothing you can do to prevent the satisfying emotional release of false principles.” Admittedly, the Pip and Jane version works better, although one does wonder how many people actually understood it when they first watched the episode.
But then, these words were uttered by the Valeyard, who was an evil, alternate version of the Doctor himself. And so if the Sixth Doctor had a penchant for fancy vocabulary, it makes sense that his counterpart would also be up for a little dictionary-raiding.
“There’s one thing you never put in a trap…”
There are many great Doctor Who lines from the Matt Smith era (sweetie) but perhaps the most famous comes at the end of the Series 5 episode ‘The Time of Angels,’ which was also used to round-off the season’s trailer.
In the scene, the Doctor and his friends are surrounded by Weeping Angels in a maze of underground caves, just below a crashed spaceship. They’re being heckled by the evil Angel Bob, and the Doctor, brandishing a gun, has some harsh words for his new-found foe. “There’s one thing you never put in a trap,” he warns, “if you’re smart, if you value your continued existence, if you have any plans of seeing tomorrow there is one thing you never, ever put in a trap. Me!”
It’s perhaps one of the most powerful Doctor Who lines on this list, and one that was completely undermined by the BBC’s decision to run a cartoon advert of Graham Norton over the closing moments!
“Well that’s alright, then!”
The last of our Doctor Who lines brings us (almost) up to date, with some dialogue from 2023’s ‘The Giggle.’ In the scene, the Toymaker is using puppets to tell Donna all about the Doctor’s past adventures, and the tragic fates of his friends. “Amy Pond was touched by der Weeping Angel,” he explains, “und she died!”
The Doctor grimaces and says, “She died of old age.”
“Well that’s alright, then!” comes the Toymaker’s sarcastic response, and one he repeats every time the Doctor offers a rebuttal. This line quickly became a meme in the Twittersphere and beyond, often deployed when someone gave a lame excuse for an appalling situation. Oof! Don’t get on the wrong side of the Toymaker, kids…
There are, of course, many other gems of Doctor Who lines that didn’t quite make it onto our list. Is anyone else a fan of reversing the polarity, or firing five rounds rapid? Let us know your favourite Doctor Who lines in the comments below…
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